Monday, June 1, 2015

Do You Have A Deep Desire for Friendship?

In recent weeks I have had multiple conversations about friendship.

Not in a sour, you're a terrible friend way, but in a deep desire for intimate relationships kind of way. And I can completely understand this craving that our soul is longing for. That connection that builds intimacy in friends.

It seems to be the older we get, the harder it is to make friends. Or so I always thought. I've had the mindset for quite a while now that your school age years was the easiest time to make friends, but it was simply an easy location to make friends. 

I was forced to go to school growing up (as we all are) and therefore had the opportunity daily to connect with the people that I essentially did life with, every day. I took action daily to connect with those people. As we get older and are taken out of this forced locale, we start to feel as if we've lost the ability to make true friendships. The desire is there. The execution is a bit harder.

On top of that, what I've noticed in the past year plus of being married is that living with my best friend makes it even harder to connect with other women. Not because the desire has left me, but because when I'm bored on a Friday night, I already have my best friend living at home with me, so I tend to make less of an effort to hang out with others.

I then head on over to the social media location of life and start to notice all of the lovely dinner parties or movie nights that I missed out on because I chose to stay home and can't understand why I wasn't apart of this merry moment. Why wasn't I included in this frivolity? 

Is it just me, or does this consistently happen to you as well?

I realized something important over the years as I secretly sat in my sad state of self pity, I wasn't apart of those friendships because I never asked to be.

Let's talk unvoiced expectations for a minute. I was expecting a group of girls to be my friends simply because I was in the same location as them, whether it be church, job, activities, however I never voiced to them my desire to be apart of their circle. I never told them I wanted to hang out, create relationships, or spend time learning from each other.

In essences, I was allowing my expectation of them to include me as a friend, ruin the possibility of actually beginning a friendship. I had made a decision, conscious or unconscious, that they should already know that I was in need of friends and ask me to hang out, without ever letting them know my story or desire.

But in that right there lies the problem. I never made the effort. The ownership is on me.

Have you ever looked at a girl, or a group of girls who seem to have it all together and think, "they're never gonna wanna hang out with me," or "if they wanted to be my friend then they would have asked me to spend time with them, and they didn't, so obviously they don't want to be friends?"

When the truth of the matter is, we're excluding someone from being our friend before we've even given them a chance to make that decision for themselves. I can't tell ya'll how many times I was certain someone did not want to be my friend, went out on a limb anyway, and now find that same person to be one of my closest confidants.

And nine times out of ten, when we look back and talk about the time right before we became friends, I realize that they had the same exact fears and insecurities about trying to be friends with me.

But that is what our insecurities do, they rob from us. Any and all ability to be the person that God has created us to be. Some of the greatest adventures of my life have come from moments when I have let the insecurity go and just stepped out in faith to talk to that woman I wanted to create a friendship with.

We as women, together, were created to uplift and promote each other. We were created for deep, intimate friendships that in turn, help to mold us into stronger people. There is something about a woman to woman heart connection that helps me slay the dragon, climb the highest mountain, fall so much deeper into my faith, and truly understand the love of God in a real and powerful form.

I know what it means to be shy, nervous, but deep down long for those intimate friendships that I was created for. It's through stepping out, taking that risk of inviting someone to coffee, that I begin to really understand my real potential to have those deep relationships.

If this is at all you and you really just want a friend to connect with or hear your heart, please contact me. I would love to be able to walk this thing called life out with you.
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
© Comfortable Spaces. All rights reserved.